Boundaries are to protect life, not limit pleasures.” Edwin Louis Cole
Recently I was in a group where the conversation turned to setting boundaries. The spirited back and forth of the importance of boundaries or not, made me sit up and pay closer attention. I realized the conversation was about human relationships, but when one participant answered, “For a large part of my life, my belief about boundaries is that they are limiting, and they are. But who wants to be limited, especially when all the talk is about pushing past limitations, stretching beyond limitations, basically, don’t fence me in!”
It was the “don’t fence me in” part of her comment that reminded me of my experience not wanting to set a permanent boundary in our back yard. This is an old story, but memorable for me. So, I shared knowing it is always easier to make a point through a beloved pet than a family member.
We had just moved into a house with a beautiful view and I did not want to put up a fence in our new back yard for fear of ruining the view and more importantly my feeling of freedom. However, …
Soon after we moved in, we adopted Magnolia, a Great Dane rescue. She is a beautiful friend and has proven to be a perfect addition to our family and our extended family which includes eight other dogs.
We had successfully lived with all the dogs when they visited with no fence for months before Maggie arrived. They stayed within their boundaries and the world was good…. Until Magnolia! When we adopted her, I forgot to check her outlook and tolerance on deer. Our other dogs could care less if there were deer around, but we immediately found out Magnolia really doesn’t like them!
I tried for months to trust her alone in the yard. Just when I was comfortable and let her stay outside alone, she would run off chasing the deer. We took her to doggy school, installed an invisible fence and implemented whatever tricks and helpful suggestions we could find. No change.
Enough already! I had created total restriction for myself and others (had to watch the dog whenever she was out) and offered no permanent boundaries to our new friend (she couldn’t enjoy being out by herself) trying so hard not to feel “fenced” in. I finally moved forward and had a fence built and much to my surprise, it did not make me feel confined and more importantly, it set clear wrought iron boundaries for our Magnolia. She was happier and so was everyone else. I never would have thought that a fence could be so freeing!
Miss Magnolia taught me a valuable lesson that in my quest for freedom, sometimes setting permanent barriers is the best answer.
I am not sure what impact the story had on the group I shared it with, but it is always a good reminder for me to remember to bring the lesson to all parts of my life. As you can see in the picture, Magnolia is very relaxed these days!
Love to all,
Cindi
